Just wanted to write a quick note (that became not so quick of a note) on lunch today. I was really encouraged by a conversation I had with Shea and Brandon at our informal lunch after-hours. I kind of sidled into a conversation they were having about prayer. They were sharing how they've been changed through opening up to prayer, prayer training, the Holy Spirit's push and call. That's something I haven't done much and listening to both of them made me realize it's an awesome thing to start thinking about.
Secondly, a shout-out to Brandon for voicing and understanding a lot about the changes he's gone through--how his plans have changed and shifted in order to become part of God's plan. I sort of off-handedly and unenthusiastically said something about how I dramatically change my life plan every six months or so and he bursts out, "What do you think your life is about?" Brandon, that was so awesome. You're so right. He said, "You think you're making those decisions?" Ah, how comforting to know that it isn't me, but someone creative and wonderful and powerful enough to give birth to music, to oceans, to hands, and to humankind with all its fullness and complexity. I can put my faith in that. My life is no problem.
I know change is impending now in my life and I feel more willing to be open to the spirit of God in how exactly those changes will look, take shape, branch in and around my life and future. Living with a spirit of accepted uncertainty- hopeful expectation that does not demand specifics- this is how I'm intended to declare trust in and faithfulness to the Lord.
Another conversation Shea and I recently had also played a part in this. She pointed out a verse I've heard a ton of times, but it's also a verse that hasn't ever materialized for me the way it's doing now:
"Now listen, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.' Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, 'If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that.'" James 4:13-15
How often my plans revolve around those exact things: moving locations, spending a year at this or that school, in this or that city, with this or that person, all of which have somehow become half-hearted attempts to obtain financial stability, to get a job someday, carry on business and make money. I don't even want that, yet my whole life is oriented toward it.
I think I'm re-orienting. So wherever I end up- Westmont, Chapman, Orange Coast, jobless, dropped of school, going to grad school, getting married, staying single, traveling the world- I'll be oriented toward Christ. The other things will work out as God works me out.