Here's the thing. I am just feeling very burnt out right now.
I've closed three nights in a row at work, I've had classes early and all day, I'm getting sick, I have a paper due on a book I haven't read, and, to top it all off, I came home to my parents' American Idol party at our house tonight. I assure you there is nothing less peaceful than a group of eight middle-aged people watching that show after a few bottles of wine.
I've been getting really upset with people at work the past couple of days. When people try to cut corners, it really gets under my skin. I'm trying to be patient, to remember that it isn't my responsibility, to focus on the fact that it's not really a big deal, but it really really bothers me.
I've been trying to focus on an eternal perspective when I get so frustrated and impatient. I really ask what Christ would do in the situation and the answer is that He would humbly and peacefully go about doing His work. I think. So that's what I'm doing, but at the same time, all of this stress and resentment is welling up in me, and that certainly is not what Christ wants for me.
I'm trying to hold it all together, but instead I'm just sitting here crying.
What I'm mostly realizing is that I'm just TRYING really hard right now, and it's not working for me.
I know these things are not big things. But I am not capable of feeling that. So that's all unresolved and I'm just feeling like a messy mess. I don't know what I want or need right now.
Gosh, there's so much I wanted to write about, but I can't do it right now.
I love you guys. I'm sorry.