Wednesday, January 19, 2011

a fairly brief introduction.


My name is Bayley. I like my name a lot. Who I am has a lot to do with who and what I’m surrounded by. This isn’t particularly something I like about myself, but I find myself constantly trying to reconcile all the differents aspects of my self with my environment.

Right now I’m going to Orange Coast College and living with my parents. I just moved back from about a year and a half of living in New Orleans and going to Tulane University in early December. The transition is brutal; I loved a lot about that city. I left some dear friends behind and a lot of beautiful memories, but, as I said before, I could feel myself becoming what the environment wanted me to be and I got to a point where I felt like I hardly recognized myself. So I ran from it. It made me feel weak—that need to escape instead of just willing myself to be more “morally right.”

Right now is a period of total uncertainty in my life. It’s painful and lonely. Most of my friends are far away and being treated like a child at home is something I really dislike. What I do know is that in all I’m surrounded by right now, I’ve stopped worrying so much. God made these promises to me about being loved and taken care of—promises about redemption and freedom. I know they’re being fulfilled in ways I can’t see or understand now.

I think I joined this CIRCLES thing because I think community and relationship is such a beautiful picture of God’s self and will for the people that love Him. I’ve been starved for a Christian community that I connect with. CIRCLES might be a fulfillment of that, but it might not, and that’s okay too. I am loved and taken care of.

I think my greatest hope for this group is that we would all be as authentic as we can. It’s so easy for me to get caught up in cynicism or just thinking I’m better than other people. I’m hoping that I can be genuine in these relationships and I’m praying for wholeheartedness throughout the process.

13 comments:

  1. I hope and pray we can all be authentic too. I know that something I struggle with since I always want to keep the peace and feel like in order to do so that I need to back off and keep myself hidden.

    When Darin mentioned that down the road we would eventually come to realize the people we don't really get along with, that actually got me kind of worried and bummed, lol... But it's true, we won't necessarily all mesh together in harmony but at least we all have our eyes set on the same goal. As we are different parts of the body of Christ, its inevitable that we will bump into each other every now and then.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I want to be your friend! Oh, I so desire true relationships with other believers in Christ. I know the value of being honest, and I think this will be an amazing adventure. I pray God surprises you with his love for you! Can't wait to get to know you more :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thanks for your honesty here, Bayley. Takes guts.

    Sorry I sped by you so quick tonight. I tapped you cause I wanted you to know I saw you there, but I shouldv'e stopped and said something more friendly. Sorry.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I think the most beautiful thing about being a follower of Christ is that we are called to create a community. For me, the most beneficial aspects of a community is encouragment. I pray that we can all be a source of encouragment in your life Bayley. Thank you for sharing with us. I cannot wait to get to know you more.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thanks for sharing this post. Though ultimately our faith rests on our personal relationship with God, community is so, so important!

    Also, thanks for sharing your story at lunch about the little girl. :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. ya I agree that community is one the most important things you can have. Stoke your in the group!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Um, love this: "God made these promises to me about being loved and taken care of—promises about redemption and freedom. I know they’re being fulfilled in ways I can’t see or understand now."

    Every day I want to feel loved and taken care of. Every day. I understand and God wants to be all of it for us! How good is HE & bringing us together. Amazing :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Your honesty here is so refreshing! I love that you said "I find myself constantly trying to reconcile all the differents aspects of my self with my environment." Wow, I can't even being to tell you how much that resonates with me right now! Going through a really similar point in my life and would love to chat more about that with you!

    ReplyDelete
  9. It was great to sit with you in church on Sunday and hang out for a little bit! I think you are awesome and Im excited to be on this journey with you. Thanks for your genuine heart.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Ah, yes, the desire to blend, to become what's around you. I know it well. Here's to us being ourselves and opening ourselves up to God making us better versions of ourselves!

    ReplyDelete
  11. I loved everything about this post! Thank you for being so honest! We have such a great group of transparent peeps in CIRCLES, I love it! I can relate so much to moving back home, becoming your surroundings, and a lot of other things you mentioned which is awesome because it will be rad to be able to talk about those things. Good thing we have a great community of Jesus lovers in CIRCLES because I think all we really want is to be more like Jesus everyday!

    ReplyDelete
  12. This is a real good thing. I really enjoyed every word you wrote. I think mostly because I can relate a lot. Re-entry back into home life is always so rough. Oh the great indoors. Thanks so much for sharing, this post was rad on numerous levels!

    P.S. The name of your blog is also the title of one of my favorite movies, which came out this year. Check it out, if you haven't already seent et! Haha

    ReplyDelete
  13. I love my name too. I understand the painful and lonely time, and also what uncertainty feels like... I'm right there too right now. You aren't alone in this. oh. and yes, you will be treated like a child, because I live at home and am, but just remember that they love you.

    ReplyDelete